when was the last time i talked about weilun? most likely afew months back on the day i went to pay him a visit if i didn't got it wrong.. but honestly, you can be certain that he crosses my mind on a daily basis even though i don't utter a word about him everyday. like now, all the memories just flashed at the back of my mind.. 

hmm talking about him it's definitely gonna be a lengthy one, like always. so if you are sick of seeing the same old whines, the "x" button is there, top right corner. this is just going to be a very long winded post, because at this time this moment, i am missing my best friend. thinking back, we made too much of a gracious memories that his absence now only constantly makes my heart grows fonder. i always spend a lot of time lying in my bed missing him before i sleep, when i wake, and especially whenever i feel a hasty anonym of despair. the first person that comes to my mind have got to be him, it just comes naturally.. starring into blank, recollecting the good old days spent together (the ones that left a deeper impression to me) his endless nags about how inattentive i am when he's talking. other than the brain that is functioning, i would be stucked dumb starring at the ceiling until i get the achy sourish feeling in the heart then i'll stop to do what i should. 

am now typing this with an intense heartache no doubts it still stings each time i think about him and what would it be like to still have him here with me, offering truthful and valuable advices that i surely miss. still can't seem to really cut down on words till date but of course i too hope i'll always keep all of him and the unforgettable memories with me 10, 20 years down the road and for the rest of my life. i want to tell everyone how amazing he have been, at least to me!

(my first time using kind words on him. lol in the past i would never agree with him that he is actually quite good looking. he was a very 自恋狂! :') so this attractive guy, inside out, was a wonderful friend to me, from supporting me with his truthfulness and his caring nature, advising from his point of views, listening to my endless rants/complains, allowing me to own all his shoulders when my eyes are filled, being there 24/7 for me to share my problems even though he might not do of much help but at least not to make me go through those alone, never gonna forget the impromptu trip to genting when it was mere a casual remark about getting a short getaway, being thoughtful he also included my gf's tix as well... ... ... finally, to waiting till the day i open my heart.. (which he eventually did not made it to) till today, the unimaginable loss of an important friend....

i am always a demanding and difficult friend. when i rant, he must be on all ears. when i am angry, i would vent all my anger at him he even allows me to throw punches if that would make me feel better, when i feel like drinking anytime, he must NOT say no anytime anywhere, and when i'm happy i would then neglect him.. but with a broad heart he forgave, overlooked and accepted my shortcoming. when he's trying to share his problems but i'm forever not listening only doing my stuffs, he knows but he would continue with his piece. :') when i didn't bothered to repy his drunk apps, when i only reply his texts as and when i feel like. when i also use harsh tone/words on him without thinking because i was too mad but he'd stil remand calm quietly till i'm done, when he hopes i would stay a little longer during boozing session but i still left early, when i refused to meet him throwing tantrums like a little girl but he still gives in and be soft. when i was just a very unreasonable friend but he never once judged me. when i didn't appreciate his presence and everything he's willing to do for me, that leads to so much regrets knowing he'll be gone forever, never gonna be there anymore.. and because i didn't thought i would lose him, i took him for granted all the time :'( despite all, he'd still wear a smile on his face everyday trying all ways to lift my spirits up, doing almost anything i asked & didn't asked for. 

i never really had a chance to say all what i've said and thought after he passed on. but i think he have reached a certain understanding when it comes to me. that i did not do it on purpose. that i didnt intentionally ignored him, that i kept a distance because i didn't want him to fall even harder. i suddenly felt so remorseful once again for being selfish but the cruel reality always reminds me it's all too late