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Monday, December 22, 2014

people who shines from within don't need spotlights

i was too sick for the whole of last week to get out of bed and so this site was left rotting as well. slept for as long as i felt sick. it was a rough week for me, and i'am sure, worst for fat. am already very hard to please leave alone the days when i'am sick. the fever come & go consecutively for close to 8 days! imagine -.-" so sick of having to eat porridge every single day, strengthless to even had a proper shower.. but anyway thank you fat you took great care of me and now that i have fully recovered, your job is to satisfy all my cravings & let me have my own time :p

the truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you'll see their flaws. that's just the way it is. this is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don't last. you might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they're out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness' sake. love is something different. love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. love is hard, love is pain and sacrifice, it's seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship.

it was just another night at yewtee. but with different company :)

forgive and forget!
if you're staying,  you need to forgive and stop bringing up the offense. 
if you're leaving, you need to forgive and forget they exist. be clear in your forgiveness.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Hush little baby don't you cry everything's gonna be alright 

Thursday, December 11, 2014

people leave you out in the cold and get mad when you finally learn how to get warm by yourself

your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth and no matter how good you are you'll never be good enough for someone who isn't ready. 

having to repeat what i've said over and over again is one of the easiest way to piss me off. but i understand sometimes people tend to act stupid, just so you know once i start losing interest good luck in getting that back from me. 

i feel really glad that i finally give zero attention to whatever a certain person's tryna say to me everytime we meet i finally comprehend the precise meaning of believing what you see and not what you hear after a certain person proved, when their words and actions contradicts. i would really appreciate if this person disappear from my life instead of constantly haunting me. 

it is said that even the nicest person on earth have a limit to the tolerance they choose to give. and from now onwards i have decided not to put up with any bullshits from anyone who least deserve it. so let me make this clear to you, i am gonna stop giving you the privelege to take control of anything i feel is not right anymore. i am not gonna just sit there and swallow the shits that should've long be exposed some time ago. and definitely never to spare a thought for anyone anymore except me. i have everything with me you know it, quit trying to twist any stories ok, for the last time seriously. 

have you seen a human version of headache? my boyfriend is one :') 不知道该哭还是笑. 

was chatting with cindy few days back. realized time flies like a bullet train so fast that all we can do is to speed up even when we can't catch up.. we can't always choose to live in our comfort zone sometimes we really have to take the first step out. don't say you "can't" it is about what you "want" the both of us started digging out pictures taken in the past, how much things haven't changed over the years and the people who walked in and out of our lives.. so engrossed in catching up we ended up chatting for more than 2 hours :') more to come.. 

was trying to sleep yet at the same time hungry craving for my fav kfc porridge the other day and so the very loving liling suggested i should try to sleep while she checks for kfc delivery hours. but the very next thing she realized was kfc doesn't offer deliver services for breakfast :( 

muahaha. there was loud whines and crying from downstairs one find morning, look at my cutesy granny. she actually climbed up onto the sofa to look down. haha omg so much love for her my beloved 

i believe certain people cross your life as guardian angels and some connections can't be explained off words alone. It's a soul thing, a feel...

because i used to take some people for granted, my insensitivity made me lose quite a number of "nice people" and even unintentionally hurt them so much that it actually turned into hatreds. and as i gradually realizes this very careless mistake, i'am truly thankful for the ones who endured and stayed around till today. knowing i'am not easy to deal with most of the times :/ so every now and then i HAVE TO share it with the world :) i WANT TO let them know how much i appreciate the kind gesture. too blessed to still have a handful. like, they have a choice not to, but they still chose to. SO THANK YOU AND LUV YOU PEEPOZ. trying to be grateful here la :) 

throwtotheveryback picture taken with my fat. 

a strong friendship doesn't need daily conversation, doesn't always need togetherness, as long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part. 

am that kind of friend that you actually won't hear from for 3 months if you don't take the initiative  :/  just that bad...... 

been dealing with this bitch for the last 4 days, why do we woman have to bleed every month for 7 days :( MAD CRAMPS! just had my breakfast while the bf went to work. so sad to hear that mcdonalds no longer serves my fav mcgriddles anymore. SO SIAN CAN?! 

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

What's real between me & you ain't none of they business

so far so good december, continue to stay in this way please. happy with my loots, they all fits perfectly. have been splurging too much these days like receiving new parcels every 2 days or 3. i think it's time to cut down a little even tho fat makes no noise about it.


A replacement of the old cross, interlocked hearts. 

Just when i needed these :D i think i can never stop having tidbits even when i reach the age of 40/50. hahaha 

Lol why my friend like that? He claimed there's 80 percent of resemblence Hahahahahahahahaha! 

Oh my sweet little chubby baby why you so cute?!?!

Aww. Loving my perfect make up that night hehehe been some time. X proud to be born, fair :P

It's such a bad look when a female is salty all the time..... 

Sunday, December 7, 2014

a letter to heaven

生日快乐小狗! time flies, you've left us for 1 and a half year.. how i wish i can wish you personally in face but it's never possible. my phone no longer receives any spammed calls or text message from you :( happy 24th, miss you so much.

you'll always be remembered.
with truckloads of love. 

the craziest thing you did one fine day, asking me out for breakfast at 5:30AM after drinking because you said you wanted to have your breakfast with my company but i refused. then there you were screaming at the top of your voice over the damn phone, making a din at clarke quay in front of sam insisting to eat with me. an hour after i hang up, you appeared at my doorstep with sam and the first thing you said was "hello! 你讲你懒惰不要出来 ok lor! 不要紧我买早餐上来跟你一起吃. 我还有买给你ahma吃hor!" with a smile, semi drunk. but you got a bad scolding from me instead "cb你来人家的家, 你要带朋友, 你不用先问人啊?!" hahahaha and then both you drunkards made a mess at my place after washing your feet, the both of you just naturally walk to the living room without drying your feet with the floor mat. i remember how furious i was, because 你们的脚ganpua肮脏!! even after washing your feet, the floor is still BLACK. thinking about it makes me feel like laughing now! hahaha. and after you're done eating, you walked into my room and sat on my bed side, needless to say, you got another scolding from me so loudly that woke my granny up :x "你进去人家的房间不用问啊? 谁讲你可以做我的床?! 你出一整天的门, 裤子confirm肮脏lor出去啦!!! :') then you lanlan went to the living room for a stick of cigg before leaving...

so kelian. but seriously you annoyed the hell outta me buey tahan! miss you a lot. and happy birthday once again, i hope you're doing good in that safe place. 放心, 我很好 :D xoxoxoxo

Friday, December 5, 2014

when was the last time i talked about weilun? most likely afew months back on the day i went to pay him a visit if i didn't got it wrong.. but honestly, you can be certain that he crosses my mind on a daily basis even though i don't utter a word about him everyday. like now, all the memories just flashed at the back of my mind.. 

hmm talking about him it's definitely gonna be a lengthy one, like always. so if you are sick of seeing the same old whines, the "x" button is there, top right corner. this is just going to be a very long winded post, because at this time this moment, i am missing my best friend. thinking back, we made too much of a gracious memories that his absence now only constantly makes my heart grows fonder. i always spend a lot of time lying in my bed missing him before i sleep, when i wake, and especially whenever i feel a hasty anonym of despair. the first person that comes to my mind have got to be him, it just comes naturally.. starring into blank, recollecting the good old days spent together (the ones that left a deeper impression to me) his endless nags about how inattentive i am when he's talking. other than the brain that is functioning, i would be stucked dumb starring at the ceiling until i get the achy sourish feeling in the heart then i'll stop to do what i should. 

am now typing this with an intense heartache no doubts it still stings each time i think about him and what would it be like to still have him here with me, offering truthful and valuable advices that i surely miss. still can't seem to really cut down on words till date but of course i too hope i'll always keep all of him and the unforgettable memories with me 10, 20 years down the road and for the rest of my life. i want to tell everyone how amazing he have been, at least to me!

(my first time using kind words on him. lol in the past i would never agree with him that he is actually quite good looking. he was a very 自恋狂! :') so this attractive guy, inside out, was a wonderful friend to me, from supporting me with his truthfulness and his caring nature, advising from his point of views, listening to my endless rants/complains, allowing me to own all his shoulders when my eyes are filled, being there 24/7 for me to share my problems even though he might not do of much help but at least not to make me go through those alone, never gonna forget the impromptu trip to genting when it was mere a casual remark about getting a short getaway, being thoughtful he also included my gf's tix as well... ... ... finally, to waiting till the day i open my heart.. (which he eventually did not made it to) till today, the unimaginable loss of an important friend....

i am always a demanding and difficult friend. when i rant, he must be on all ears. when i am angry, i would vent all my anger at him he even allows me to throw punches if that would make me feel better, when i feel like drinking anytime, he must NOT say no anytime anywhere, and when i'm happy i would then neglect him.. but with a broad heart he forgave, overlooked and accepted my shortcoming. when he's trying to share his problems but i'm forever not listening only doing my stuffs, he knows but he would continue with his piece. :') when i didn't bothered to repy his drunk apps, when i only reply his texts as and when i feel like. when i also use harsh tone/words on him without thinking because i was too mad but he'd stil remand calm quietly till i'm done, when he hopes i would stay a little longer during boozing session but i still left early, when i refused to meet him throwing tantrums like a little girl but he still gives in and be soft. when i was just a very unreasonable friend but he never once judged me. when i didn't appreciate his presence and everything he's willing to do for me, that leads to so much regrets knowing he'll be gone forever, never gonna be there anymore.. and because i didn't thought i would lose him, i took him for granted all the time :'( despite all, he'd still wear a smile on his face everyday trying all ways to lift my spirits up, doing almost anything i asked & didn't asked for. 

i never really had a chance to say all what i've said and thought after he passed on. but i think he have reached a certain understanding when it comes to me. that i did not do it on purpose. that i didnt intentionally ignored him, that i kept a distance because i didn't want him to fall even harder. i suddenly felt so remorseful once again for being selfish but the cruel reality always reminds me it's all too late  

Thursday, December 4, 2014

playing for keeps

crazy how life works. the best people get hit with the worst of time. the genuine hearts are the first to be used and taken granted for, and those with sincere intentions get pushed off as too good to be true. we're stuck in a game where "winning" gets you nowhere. we have inconsistent people expecting consistency, liars complaining that nobody is true, and fakes demanding loyalty. everyone's asking for love but only afew are walking in it. for me, the game got old two disappointments ago, and i refused to cheat my future worrying about the things that i can't change from my past. 

so today, in the present i offer three promises. i'll trust you until you show me that i can't. i'll be as consistent as your efforts inspire me to be. and i'll honor your time with the same respect i give my own. no games, no gimmicks, no guile. if you can appreciate this, i can build with you. if not, i have no time for you. i've been through too much "play the same old game" just to keep getting the same draining results. i want more.. and i deserve more! so i'm holding out until i get it. because the next time i play, i'm playing for keeps.